|THE STRUCTURE OF THE АDJACENT WORLDS
The narration begins with Lena, the investigator, and Dasha, the antique appraiser accidentally dragged into the investigation, explore the motives for the murder of a young person. Evidences lead the partners to inhabitants of the world hidden from humans. The girls get to know that the guilt for the young person death lies with a black magician. Stalking the murderer, the partners, along with other participants in the investigation, are carried into another world called Middle Lands. And the black magician gets into the circles of Hell. It is he who becomes the initiator of Chaos disturbances and disturbs the balance between the good and the bad. The black magician is reborn. He passes all nine circles of Hell to enslave inhabitants of the world. The balance cracks, which leads to a war within the territory of human world.
Paradiso (latin.) Heaven
Infernum (latin.) Hell
Mixed world (from. Latin mixed) – world of people and inhabitants of the Shadow World.
The Shadow World – world in the Mixed world, where creatures with non-standard abilities live. Ghouls, witches, sorcerers, werewolves, gnomes, wizards, etc. The world is hidden from the ordinary person by the barrier of invisibility. The shadow world was create artificially.
The Universal Mind – it is such a common data bank, of which part is all living things on Earth. The Universal Mind has created Universal spirituality and Chaos. Conversely, Universal spirituality and Chaos nourish The Universal Mind. The Universal Mind – is knowledge. Universal spirituality – feelings, emotions, spiritual power, quality nature. Chaos – fantasy, illusions, experience. The system grows and develops with every day, year, century, millennium. Everything that every person learns, an animal, an insect, a plant – is entered into a common base.
Archmage – the elder. Wise. Outwardly it looks like a decrepit old man, but is endowed with very strong energy. Tired, bags under the eyes. Deep wrinkles. Gray, long to the waist, quite thin beard. The head, almost bald, with silvery hairs, is covered with brown spots.
Elf – at first glance, a middle-aged man with blue eyes as the sky. Proper facial features. Snow-white long hair. Tightened. She dresses in bright, bright clothes.
Dragonborn – 35 years. Tall, slender. Attractive. Blue eyes framed by a thick fan of black lashes. Light tan. Refined facial features. Thin nose, plump lips, high forehead, black hair. Dressed with needles.
Witch – a beauty of model appearance with long black hair below the waist. She prefers to wear tight-fitting leather clothes. Eyes dark brown, almost black.
Sirin – bird of paradise. Bird in human growth with the face of a beautiful maiden and white plumage, sprinkled on the contour of silver.
Vampire – thin, slim with pale skin. He prefers a long lapseredak of black color with a blue finish. Neat, dressed with a needle. Very thin lips.
Necromancer – tall. With rough features. He is always dressed in a long robe with an ash-colored hood, similar in appearance to paper. Bald head with purple veins of veins. Bright yellow irises of the eyes.
Dasha Sviatopiatova – 27 years old. Long blond hair, big blue eyes. She graduated from the European University. Works in the bureau for the evaluation of antiques. Valuable employee. She knows the history perfectly. Dasha’s parents divorced when she was seven. Father the colonel of police, mother has married the poor foreigner, living in Portugal. Dasha reads various stories of the fantasy genre, believe that the supernatural can exist in real life. A special feature – keymaster without key. Opening the portals between Adjacent worlds. The ability by the Witch to find a connection with the ethers.
Lera – 30 years old. Slender, tall blonde. Enchanting green eyes. Investigator. Lera most of her time is at work. He does not believe in the reality of everything mystical. Lera considers all sorts of wizards, elves, fairies and other fairy creatures to be exclusively fictional characters of children’s books. She has a specific sense of humor. A special feature – the ability by Dovakin. She can to create a protective shield.
Cat Muska. In the Middle Lands Gregor – red hair, blue-eyed. At first sight there is not one year from birth. Fluffy.
Maxim – 25 years old. Пухленький, невысокого роста молодой человек. Со светло-русой шевелюрой, стриженой под горшок. Работает в одной конторе с Дарьей Святопятовой. Они дружат. Оценивает предметы периода Великой Отечественной войны. Заядлый геймер. Ночи напролет проводит в он-лайн стрелялках. Живет с бабушкой. Особенность – способность от Эльфа. Умение читать скрытые знаки.
Oleg – оперативник. Высокий, стройный мужчина 38-ми лет. Привлекательный шатен с глазами шоколадного цвета. Особенность – способность от Сирин. Умеет без подготовки идеально орудовать любым оружием.
Boris – 19 years old. Ghoul. Thin, tall, pale-looking young man. Brown, almost black. He prefers black clothes. Short hair protruding in all directions. Inhabitant of The Shadow World. Ability – Ability of the Vampire to look away. Ability to read auras.
Julia – молодая особа. Брюнетка с длинными волосами. Худая. Невысокого роста. Особенность – способность от Некроманта. Умение управлять темной армией.
Ether “Blood of the Raven” «Sanguinem Corvus» – эфир, меняет форму украшений. Но всегда в одной стилистике. С большим рубином. Камень переливается от ярко-алого к кроваво-бордовому, а когда на него попадает лучик весеннего солнца, то он как будто воспламеняется изнутри, но мгновенно гаснет. Совместно с ключником открывает переходы в смежные миры. Его можно использовать как во благо, так и для темных дел.
Dark Archimagician, Malum – сначала худой старец. После прохождения девяти кругов Ада его тело потеряло какие-либо половые признаки. Глаза закрываются полупрозрачными красными веками. От носа остались две щели. Его изуродованное бескожное тело покрылось коростами. На голове выросло два спиральных рога. Для полной власти Малум провел обряд бессмертия. Сердце спрятал внутри трехголового ворона, ворона поместил внутри обжигающей саламандры, саламандру спрятал внутри льва, льва внутри дракона, последнего поместил в глубокую пещеру на стыке миров. После перерождения стал темным Архимагом.
Copper Mountain – speaking thirty-meter dragon with yellow eyes. Чешуя медных оттенков, размером до 15 см. Испускает газ. Охраняет Драконий замок, подчиняется Довакину.
Stir – a thin yellow imp with a fringe between the horns. Serves Dragonborn.
Fear – thick green imp with fringe around his neck. Serves Dragonborn.
Sviatopiatov Alexander – 50 years old. Полковник полиции. Около 30 лет стажа. Начальник отделения. Отец Дарьи Александровны. Друг Поленко Дмитрия Родимовича. Вместе начинали служить в отделении. Александр Николаевич в двадцать три года стал отцом Даши. В 30 лет с ним развелась жена. Святопятов больше не женился и не заводил детей. Все заслуженные звания ради того, чтобы получить связи и хорошую зарплату. Насыщенный событиями образ жизни оставил свой отпечаток на внешности Александра Николаевича. В свои пятьдесят лет он заработал полноту, частично облысел, а без очков плохо видел, хотя и отказывался носить их на людях.
Polenko Dmitry – 50 years old. Судмедэксперт. Работает со Святопятовым Александром Николаевичем почти 30 лет. Стройный, подтянутый мужчина. Черные как смоль волосы совсем немного на висках тронула седина. Одевается старомодно. Посвятил себя работе и только ей. Три высших образования, степень доктора наук, внушительный послужной список. Обладает сдержанным характером. Бури эмоций не для него.
Veniamin Tikhonovich – 40 years old. Начальник Дарьи Александровны Святопятовой. Строгий, спокойный. Носит очки. Observer.
Meletius – one of the Caretaker the door. Возраст около 70 лет. Почетный гражданин “Ore venti” – “Край ветров”. Одевается в длинные халаты в пол из плотной ткани с разными орнаментами. Следит за собой. Аккуратная стрижка седых волос и ухоженная борода. Живет в скрытом доме Теневого мира.
Rodion – 19 years old. Студент исторического факультета. В свободное время ходит на блошиные рынки в поисках интересных вещей, чтобы потом их отреставрировать и перепродать.
Congera – превселюдный облик: статная фигура, пышная грудь, рыжие волнистые волосы, зеленые глаза. Истинный образ: выразительные скулы, змеиные глаза, рот с острыми зубами. Тонкие руки с неестественно длинными пальцами. Тело покрыто чешуей. Мясистая нижняя половина поддерживается шестью длинными паучьими лапами с острыми когтями на концах.
Azimuth – A short man with good eyes and a red beard. The owner of the drinking house “Sticky honey” in the Updown City. Yuri’s friend.
Makarova Maria – 1942 года рождения. Всегда аккуратно уложены седые волосы. Любит придавать шика своей прическе, добавляя разные заколки, инкрустированные драгоценными камнями. Стройная. Борется всеми способами за сохранение молодости. Observer.
Burzhevay Eremeya – witch. Пожилая женщина. При превращении в ведьму, становится скрюченной старухой с гнилыми зубами и сальными волосами. Соседка Макаровой Марии Петровны.
Спидер-woman is the Caretaker on the first circle of Inferno – ростом с человека. Держит ателье в торговом центре на первом кругу Infernum. Смотритель. Охранаяет дверь, которая позволяет переместиться в Средние земли. Она видит возможности, которыми наделено то или иное существо.
Gnishko Leonid – поверенный в конторе «Ангельские крылья». Пухленький, невысокого роста розовощекий мужчина, лет тридцати пяти.
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Reader: Olesia Sagan, Litmedia literature agency.
30 Kozlova Str., Moscow, 123308
Author: Natalia Willright
Genre of the work: fantasy
Target audience: the novel targets wide readership in the age of 18-30.
Language and style
The novel is written in vital and modern language. Optimum length of sentences and a lot of dialogues make the novel easier to interpret. There is a special and peculiar writing style corresponding the atmosphere of the novel and enriching it. Language of the novel blend seamlessly with its content. Shortfalls include: the manuscript has incorrectly framed sentences (example: “his face represented fear”) and hoar speech pattern (example: “coal-black hair”). The manuscript needs editing.
Advantages of the manuscript
01. Inventive plot. Main plot devices are elaborated. Structurally, the manuscript is developed appropriate to the content and author`s logic.
02. High emotional degree. The conflict is tense, there is a surprise effect.
“Lera looked toward where her partner pointed. Slouching on the soft sofa, an obese creature was sitting. Its size was so huge that his belly tore the shirt and was hanging down his knees. His short little hands were pawing one of the local dancing-girls, and his piggy eyes were trying to fight against swollen eyelids. Now and then, the creature`s rotten mouth wreathed in a token smile.
– And this is the man who is to like us? – Lera pronounced with terror.
Dasha answered nothing. She stared at the monster without blinking; at the monster, on whom their future fate depended.”
“Horsemen turned round. They were indeed chased by creepy creatures. Flying round heads with sharp-toothed jaws and a huge eye on the foreheads. They had coal-black tentacles instead of hair. They were approaching at great speed. Huge eye all along the head and toothed mouth striving to catch the dragon`s tail were already clearly seen.”
“At the last stage, the warden wiped the long sprout and slashed dirty naked torso of the magician. He fell into the mush of bodies. Bony arms of the martyrs were grabbing his new torso. They were sliding on the feces muck. Now, the magician blended into the thousands of desperates. He suffered from itching, burning and pain from hard grips of bony hands. The warden continued to slash tossing bodies with his numerous sprouts. The magician tried to break away, but with every movement he was sticking in brown mess more and more. At some moment Malum remembered the spell by which he had called the creature helped him to fling off eighth circle demon pursuers. The magician made an effort to pronounce the first spell that came into his head. But liquid feces flew into his mouth. The magician threw up again. He brought all his strength and dashed kicked off somebody`s sticky torso. He managed to rise above disgusting sea almost by half. The magician spitted out and loudly cried out:
03. The novel touches on defined layer of issues regarding which the author has personal view; she not only masterly gets it across to readers, but offers them to think over concerned issues by themselves.
04. The author knows how to set the mood, lend credence to a story, illustrate personal ideas with intrigue and likelihood, keeping attention not only to essential moments, but to nuances (there is a reverse of the coin – sometimes there are too many nuances). There is a feeling that the narrator created her own world in every detail in her imagination before sharing it. As a result, when reading, willing reader may easily visualize the images described by the author.
“Suddenly, a dragon flied out from below. Waved by three meters wings, it caught on edge of the steep right below Dasha. The girl bent over the railing to tale a good look at the fairy creature. It yellow eye glanced at her direction. Jagged comb on its head was lowering and rising again. Emerald scales with orange streaks were opalescing with every breath. Surprisingly, but Dasha wasn`t scared, she was rather curious. She stood still, she didn`t want the dragon to waive its membrane wings and fly away. Dasha was too interested to take a closer look at it. Elongated face with wide nostrils, smooth back and long tail ending with a flat tip – all this looked exactly as images drawn by artists in fantasy books.”
“He bent over the edge to size up the dead-end situation, but he was in for a surprise. Along the entire perimeter of uneven edge a resemblance scaffold was strained – tubs in ropes very similar to scaffold, that were going up and down. Multiarmeds sat there constructing the edges of eighth and ninth circles. Besides tubs, huge fat slugs were slowly crawling along uneven walls. They evolved brown sludge spreading over the sides, after which the multiarmeds in tubs used it as a building material. Giant were also hanging on the straps. They hammered polls into stiff ground of the circles by massive hammers.”
“Her attraction was possibly affected by hundreds of candles lit across the huge hall. They created shadows, which were moving in the flickering of flame, breathing life into wall sculptures. Emotions revived and brought out sympathy for stone inhabitants of the walls. One of the fragments depicted a fight between mermaid and fisherman, who caught her in the net.”
05. The text has so-called “hooks”, “baits”, “riddles” creating tense and holding readers attention; they goad curiosity and aid to “draw into” reading.
06. One of the doubtless benefits of the novel is its inner narrative inertia. You can feel some assurance of the author in necessity of this story. Inner impulse of the novel proclaims the author to be skilled.
07. A lot of vivid dialogues, which clearly fit into the imaged created by the auhor.
“– Here, take it, – young man whispered to Dasha offering her his weapon.
– What is it? – asked Dasha in a low voice.
– This is my knife. Just in case. I can`t to use it, – Maxim answered.
– Why do you carry it? – Dasha surprised.
– It gives me confidence, – Maxim whispered.
– Keep it, – the girl replied.”
08. The world of feelings and emotions of the main character, Dasha, is described with filigree, which proclaimed that the author is a great expert in human soul.
“Dasha was moving her hands along the finest strings of the world. She didn`t feel them physically, but every touch brought an emotion or information into her mind. It seemed to her that she is the great brain of omniscience. Secrets of Universe revealed to her, but she couldn`t catch on the whole stream. It was penetrating her without staying. It was the same as Pentium second processor compared with Pentium fourth. Earlier version did not manage to quickly analyze data a user wanted to get. Dasha`s brain featured the same properties. She sensed knowledge in her head and any question asked by her found its answer. But there were too many questions; they were running through her head at a great speed. Many of the answers were ahead of the questions asked. Hence, they gave rise to chaos. Dasha closed her eyes. She understood that it was the time to concentrate. Dasha felt strong power of “The Crow`s Blood” ether streamed through her. Scattered thoughts were abruptly displaced by void, from which came the answer on what is to be done.”
09. Ingenious idea fully covered by the author.
10. The author`s style is lucid, vivid, with inner inertia and potential. The narrator`s intonation dips you into the story creating the mood. The advantage is the author`s observation of stylistic and genre identity without a tendency towards unjustified and artistically unreasonable mix of different styles and genres.
11. Intriguing ending rouses readers` curiosity and prompts them to look forward the story continuation.